Perceiving and Creating Difference by Tawa Ranes

An inner contemplation about how we embrace or reject differences within our human family came up for me during Donald Trump’s first presidency; in the context of observing and feeling the impact of a lot of extra racism, classism and misogyny in our world at that time. Prejudices that were being openly fed and encouraged by the president of our country. Now, in a second Trump term, the topic comes up strongly for me again. So, let us look at it, and him, and me and you, and explore what might be happening within each of us that creates our prejudiced beliefs and behaviors in the first place.
 
Let’s look at how we each internally respond to things in our outer world that we deem as different from us or unfamiliar. I write with the hope that it will build awareness within each of us and show us that the onus of discrimination is actually on those who feel prejudices. In the eye/heart of the beholder so to speak, and not on those who are experiencing discrimination. In this time of encouraged polarization and divisiveness let us be extra mindful: Take the opportunity to look inward and see why we are thinking and feeling in a less trusting way. Look at what is creating the need within us to vilify another, and another’s way of life. See ourselves more clearly, understanding where our ideologies come from. Stay alert to our human tendency toward prejudice and judgement. See comparison as the distorted, patriarchal, white supremacist tendency that it is.
 
In particular, I would like to look at how we develop the unkind and inhumane values and beliefs we each lean toward. In a neutral world there is only variety, not good and bad, inferior and superior. The fact that some sort of difference is even registered within us is a great indicator that the information coming in through our eyes, ears and hearts goes through a filter. A personalized internal apparatus that categorizes and labels our experiences and the people we come into contact with, in a way that makes sense to our psyche. Ultimately our ideologies reflect back to us who we are inside, not who the other person is that we feel justified in judging and marginalizing for their ‘difference’.  So, it’s important to understand how we come to have our values and prejudices.
 
This is by no means an exhaustive examination of the topic, but it is a sincere exploration of one of the possibilities of how we become afraid, intolerant and prejudiced against people and ideas we deem in some way different from us. I have observed that we have difficulty honoring, celebrating or even tolerating anything that is different from how we perceive ourselves to be when we have a fragile sense of self. In other words, when we don’t fully know or like who we are. It is impossible to be at peace with another when we are not at peace with ourselves.
 
When something causes us to experience difficulty with our self-image or our ideologies, our reaction is to distance ourselves from and marginalize that thing or person. In other words, we create prejudice around it or them. We often experience people living differently or making different choices than us, as a challenge to our identity or to our resolve about a similar situation in our own lives. If we don’t trust ourselves enough to navigate the situation or the ‘difference’ intact, we will alienate and separate ourselves from that person or situation. This can also happen internally when an encounter forces us to see something in ourselves that we don’t want to see. We push that characteristic or experience away, deem it different and bad. We discriminate against and marginalize it within ourselves so that we don’t have to look at it. Then we externalize it by making the same judgement about everyone around us. Because if we can’t accept something in ourselves, we will never be able to accept it in others. Notice this repeating theme: it can't happen outside of us if it doesn't happen within us. 
 
At times in my life, I have been rather curious about others and the world, especially that which is in some way unfamiliar to me. I have sought out experiences that put me into contact with a wide range of humans and lifestyles. I'm sure you have each had this experience as well. I believe this desire to explore variety comes from the innocent part of me that feels whole and safe in life. This open curiosity seems especially accessible when we are free from feeling the need to defend ourselves or justify who we are. I have learned that the childlike curiosity that is necessary to explore the world with an open heart and open mind is dependent upon me feeling included in the human experience, loved by my community, and particularly, feeling love for myself.
 
I have found that when I feel I am not enough, unloved or unsafe, I cannot access that unprejudiced curiosity. Sadly, too many of us walk through life feeling precisely that way. Much of the time we move through life feeling judged, and like we constantly have to prove our worth. We often live heavily defended, forever trying to convince ourselves and others that we are lovable and good enough to belong here and be included. This makes it difficult for us to feel safe enough to be curious about the variety and 'differences' around us.
 
When others look, sound and behave in ways that are different from how we look, sound and behave, our mind subconsciously moves to comparison. Patriarchy will always ask us to compare and judge, to place people and experiences in a hierarchy of good and bad, superior and inferior. It is my sense that following this social model, we unwittingly do this as individuals, with the intention of creating a feeling of wholeness within ourselves. However, with comparison, an unhealthy ego and low self-concept will always ask us to make the other wrong or bad in order to make ourselves right and good. But the judgement never bolsters us in the way we hope. Our judgement of differences and perceived inadequacies in others never leads to self-acceptance. They only lead to a mirrored judgement of self.
 
An attitude of wonder is not readily accessible when we feel defended. I believe we feel defended a great deal of the time. So how can we learn to approach difference with curiosity instead of defensiveness and prejudice? As we build a stronger sense of self and learn to love ourselves as a sovereign and autonomous being, we are more able to embrace variety. When we feel whole, difference no longer threatens our sense of identity. The work starts here. As we learn to feel safe, whole and loved within ourselves we can start to challenge our biased and defensive ways of seeing others. We can become curious about each other and the world.

Let us become innocently curious and find our way free of prejudice in all its forms. After all, our differences don't actually place us in a hierarchy, that is just a white-supremacist, patriarchal construct, we are all on equal human footing. The fact that I carry beliefs that align with me and my needs doesn’t challenge, invalidate or make your beliefs and needs inappropriate or false for you. May we all find enough self-love and acceptance in our lives to be able to offer that love and acceptance to all of humanity. And finally, may we elect leaders who have enough self-love to help them release their prejudices, from their hearts and their policies. Practicing unconditional love toward ourselves is deeply healing, while giving it to others is truly magical in its transformative power. 
                                                                                                                                     
Tawa Ranes is a writer, healer and astrologer living in Colorado, USA. She is fascinated with healing and the ways in which healing manifests in human experience. Deeply enriched by her study-abroad experience in Spain as a teenager, Tawa’s lifelong love affair with culture and literature naturally led to advanced studies in Contemporary Literature and Literary Theory. She is in awe of the communicative and connective potential inherent in words and language and loves to use them as an entryway into deeper understanding and communion with others. She writes in a candid voice with deeply philosophical undertones. Tawa is a leap before you look extraordinaire and the creative founding spirit behind Solar Moon Press.